nobody said it was easy
by drunken equilibrium
Summary: The three times Will kisses Tessa, and the one time he almost does.


_I don't own the Infernal Devices, written by Miss Cassandra Clare, in any way, shape or form._

_Please review!_

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**one.**

Their first kiss is not entirely as romantic as he'd dreamed of. There were no whispered words of confession _(like he could even do that anyway) _or rain or snow, just the wet wood floor in the musky attic with Tessa's hands on his arms and his fingers through her hair; and the desperate mix of lips and limbs and underlying emotion that he _really _doesn't want to think about, not yet.

Later, when he was dry and in his room and _away from Tessa_, he wants to punch himself for being so selfish.

_What was wrong with him?_

**two.**

The second time she kisses Will, she's pretty sure she's in a dream. Because he wouldn't even look at her now ever since The Incident on the Rooftop, and the last time she checked, London wasn't _ever _this sunny. But all of these logical, coherent thoughts fly out of her head as soon as Dream-Will slides his hands around her waist, pulling her closer.

_Very improper._

She wants to pull away.

She wants to yell and scream and sob at him for being a complete _bastard_ on the roof, for being a complete _bastard _after the roof, for being a complete _bastard _for being able to do this to her, make her mind go blank and her legs turn to jelly and make her _wishwantneed _him so.

She really does want to pull away, but his lips are on hers and _dammit, god damn it all, _she really, really likes it.

Tessa places her hands on Dream-Will's neck and draws him closer.

**three.**

Will definitely doesn't love Tessa. Really.

Sure, he may have wanted to kiss her a few times _(What do you expect? He was a boy with raging hormones and she was a very, _very _pretty girl) _and maybe he had kissed her a few times _(Under the influence of nearly always some kind of drug or drink or magic) _but he _definitely _didn't love her, _couldn't _love her, as a matter of fact.

So he doesn't understand why his heart races at the sight of her, or why his eyes find her in a crowded room as if she were the sun, or why why _why _he would wake up in cold sweat from dreams of her lips and scent and hair and-

Will _definitely _doesn't love Tessa.

But when he slams her against a bookshelf at the back of the library and kisses her with all the might and willpower and _need _in his body and mind and soul, the small part in the back of his head that is not completely mush wonders if their _friendship _was not really a friendship, but something else entirely.

However, this thought is fortunately tuned out of by Will before it can progress any further, because her hands are sliding under his shirt and his fingers are in her hair and her tongue inside his mouth and _when did she get so good at this?_

Will does not love Tessa. Not at all.

**four.**

They're on the roof. Alone. Again.

This certainly isn't going to end well.

She takes a tentative step towards him and feels something start to ache in her chest, a small slight pull that grows and spreads across her body like fire.

She really, really wants to kiss him.

_You're engaged to Jem. You're meant to marry Jem. You. Love. Jem. _

But Will's stepping forward and the look on his face nearly makes all her resolve crumble and it takes all of her willpower _(and then some) _to not jump into his arms and cling to him like a lifeline.

_What did I do to deserve this?_

He stops at a hardly appropriate distance for a man and an engaged woman to be standing in _(but not nearly close enough) _and looks at her. Traces her features with his eyes and although Tessa knows she should step back, push him away, say something to make him back off because -_she's engaged and this is too much and __**why **__did it have to be like this, why why __**why**__-_

She doesn't though, because this is Will, and he always managed to break all her rules.

Then he leans in, close enough so that she thinks he really may kiss her, and whispers, in a low husky voice only he can pull off, "I really, really want to kiss you."

"But you can't." She answers back, stepping away and trying to focus on something that isn't Will. She fails miserably.

He leans against the railing then, and looks out over the city in what looks like mild, detached contemplation.

"No, I can't."

So instead he presses his lips to her cheek, chaste and swift, and walks away, leaving her with a cold, empty cavity in her chest where her heart used to be.

_He's not worth this._

_So. This was probably crap. I apologise for that. :3_


End file.
